is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
