Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
