How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
