well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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