what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
