I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My vagina is officially offended.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
