I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i think i just lost a toe
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
