I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
