I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
