I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
