he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Who died my cat blue again?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
