So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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