You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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