Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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