I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
