Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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