Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
