I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
