i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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