OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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