i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
