I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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