i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
