physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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