I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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