I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
