I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
