At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
