Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize