i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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