She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just invented taco cereal.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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