last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
