Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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