i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
