i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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