I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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