My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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