we're chasing vodka with high fives
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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