he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
