Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
