found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Drunk walkin through police station. America
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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