my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
