when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
