She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
im holly from the hills drunk
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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