BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
