glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
