i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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