I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
