new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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