She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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