how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
