Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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