I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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