i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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