He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
