Barsexuality is the new black.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
