so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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