I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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