shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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