i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
