there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
