Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
