Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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