we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I think people are normalizing furries
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
