if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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