i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
