I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize