if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
