It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
This is classic penis vs brain.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
