Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
